MINDSET / 7 JUNE 2023

What really holds us back from achieving all those extraordinary things we desire?

Have you ever come across a colleague at work who seems to effortlessly exude a calm and quietly confident approach to life? She appears to be achieving success in every facet of her life, remembering your name, taking time to listen to you, and inspiring you to act positively. She seems to have it all, career, family, money. You might think that it’s easier for some and harder for others or possibly just being in the right place at the right time.

I’ve had the pleasure of working with many of these successful leaders across various industries, and let me tell you what they all have in common – consistency. These women were not born into success; they transformed themselves into this way of being by consistently investing time and energy into themselves. And here comes to good news – so can you.

In this article, we’ll explore 3 factors that could potentially be holding you back from flourishing into your success story.

Lets start.

1.

YOU AREN’T CLEAR ABOUT What YOU really want

Studies have revealed that individuals who set goals are more likely to succeed than those who don’t. However, due to our inclination towards being highly ambitious, we tend to overlook the reason why we set out to achieve them initially. It has been proven that emotional intelligence (EQ) is twice as significant as cognitive ability (IQ) in predicting our success. In the workplace, 66% of success is related to an individual’s ability to tap into their EQ, compared to 38% that is related to their IQ.

Why do we tend to rush into finding solutions when working towards our goals? We often praise and prioritise the ‘doing’ part of tasks, while neglecting the importance of the ‘thinking’ part. This overemphasis on finding quick solutions can potentially limit our ability to achieve what we truly want.

Breaking the cycle of constantly seeking solutions requires us to improve our self-awareness. We can begin this process by evaluating whether our goals are truly something we want for ourselves or if we are pursuing them solely to satisfy others.

Try this exercise next time you find yourself seeking solutions for an emerging problem or goal

• What do I want? What do I really want?
• Is this ‘something’ for me? Or is it for someone else?
• Once I have it, what will be different?
• How will I know?

2.

YOU ARE TOO FOCUSED ON SURFACE LEVEL MOTIVATIONS

Lets start with some basics. Surface level motivations or more technically referred to as ‘extrinsic’ motivations are when you are motivated to do something to gain a reward or avoid punishment. Usually they are in the form of financial gain, gifts, or recognition such as praise or fame. Motivations which are below the surface are referred to as ‘intrinsic’, it is driven by our internal desire to complete a task because we value it. It aligns with our interests, values, or goals, and we find pleasure in completing it.

Here are some examples of intrinsic vs extrinsic motivations:

Sometimes, it can be difficult to differentiate between intrinsic and extrinsic motivations. We may think that we are motivated by money or status, but upon closer examination, we may discover that these external factors hold a deeper meaning for us beyond just the financial benefits.

If our goals are connected to our own inner, intrinsic motivations that are centred around enjoyment, satisfaction, and personal growth they are more likely to be successful than those external, extrinsic motivations that are typically more superficial and will be most likely around money, avoiding getting in trouble and seeking approval of others.

Next time you set yourself a goal – try asking yourself Why 5 times and see where you land.

Goal: “___________________”

• Why?
• Why?
• Why?
• Why?
• Why?

3.

you aren’t spending enough time questioning the excuses you keep telling yourself

Once we have a clear vision of what we truly desire, we can begin to overcome any internal obstacles that stand in our way. While external factors may present challenges, it is ultimately our own mindset and attitude that shape our success.

Are you curious about how your desires and resistance are revealed? Let’s explore some examples and how they can manifest in your life.

• “I want to talk to my manager about my personal development, but they’re always too busy“,
• “I want to grow my own business, but I just don’t have the time right now“
• “I want to lead that project, but I don’t have enough experience“
• “I really want to go for a run today, but I have too much work to do“

To simplify achieving our desired outcome, we must understand and eliminate resistance.

John Whitmore, the renowned author of Coaching for Performance, boldly asserts that fear is the primary roadblock to unleashing our true potential. Fear can manifest in various forms such as fear of failure, fear of the unknown, lack of confidence, or self-doubt.

To help identify barriers to your desired outcome, ask yourself three questions:

1. How likely (answer as a percentage) are you to achieve your desired outcome/goal?
2. What are all the things that get in the way of you being able to achieve 100% of your desired goal?
3. What is the primary internal obstacle that is hindering your progress towards achieving your desired outcome?

time to REWORK YOUR STRATEGy

If we think of our goal as a road trip, we can view it more objectively. This will enable us to identify our current position (A) and where we want to go (B). The way we address the gap between (A) and (B) will determine our likelihood of success. Once we set our minds on an exciting new goal, we become enthusiastic, energised, and ready to lay the groundwork for making it happen. However, as we focus on figuring out how to achieve the goal, we go straight into ‘solution’ mode, often acting before we think through. As we seek answers to the “How do I get there?” question, we can end up missing crucial steps along the way and end up somewhere we didn’t want to be. A subtle shift to remind ourselves “Why do I want to get there? ” can allow us to stay intrinsically motivated.

Let’s clarify with a simple example. “I want to write an article today, but I don’t think anyone will find it useful”

(A) Where I am now: Staring at a blank word document

(B) Where I want to be: Publish a well-written article in the Sunday Times

My Resistance:

• I’m not smart enough to write something academic
• What if I can’t find the perfect topic to write about?
• Who wants to take advice from me?

Now, let’s compare by looking at what a different a small shift in mindset can achieve.

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Now it’s your turn to do the work.

Start thinking about what desired outcome you would like to make a priority – write it down. By using the ‘Why Mindset’ we explored above, ask yourself the following questions.

1. Why is this outcome important to me?
2. Where am I now?
3. Where do I want to be?
4. What resistance factors (internal and external) could potentially get in my way of achieving this?
5. What resources can I tap into to overcome these?
6. How do I get started?

I truly believe that each and every one of us possesses the potential to achieve all of our extraordinary desires. I am by no means saying it will be easy, learning is by no means a linear pathway but what you will find is that consistency is key. Every subtle shift in your way of thinking will prepare you for what lies ahead. Never underestimate the power of one small change and how this could significantly impact your life towards achieving the extraordinary things you desire.

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