NETWORKING, MINDSET / 26 JUNE 2023

Are You An Energy Giver Or An Energy Taker?

TIME FOR A NETWORK AUDIT

It seems that these days, we are more fixated with how we are perceived by others at a more superficial level. Have you stopped to consider what type of energy you transmit to those around you? Are you an energy giver? Or are you an energy taker?

By definition, Energy is ‘the ability to make something work‘. That something in this context is ourselves and those around us. How do we feel after we have spent time with a person? Did it feel different when they were alone vs. in a group setting? Did they inspire me to take action, act outside my comfort zone? Or did they make me feel exhausted, want to go home and take a big nap?

This concept of energy initially caught my attention when the traditional 2023 New Year’s resolution lists were replaced with the “In” vs “Out” trend. As they flooded my social media feed, I wondered how this might impact our way of thinking. Whilst setting positive intentions and habits for the year ahead is always a good idea, it did feel as though it highlighted again society’s need to categorise tasks, habits or things to be either ‘good’ or ‘bad’.

So, if on your list, sunshine is an energy giver, what happens when its a cloudy day? Do we just close the curtains and go back to bed?

Whilst any increase in self awareness is always beneficial. In order to understand what fuels our fire, we need to be careful not to let it impact our ability to overcome challengs ethat are out of our control.

If you have convinced yourself that a day without sunshine will drain your energy, then you might start the day off in a bad mood, arrive to work projecting negative energy to those around you. It seems that your mind is made up. Which could potentially limit your ability to see other opportunities that the day may present itself.

To truely understand what makes us ‘work’. We need to understand that not only the activities, habits or things that fuel or drain us but also consider how the presence of others can shift our energy, mood and ability to perform.

Lets start with exploring the types of people that could be or not be present in your network.

The 7 Types of People

In order for us do a bit of a deep dive on our network. We first need to start with identifying the types of people that we spending our time. The time we invest with these people and how they are affecting us from both a professional and personal perspective.

Outlined below are the 7 types to consider:

THE RADIATORS

You feel their energy whenever you are around them you feel uplifted and inspired. Often these people are naturally positive and take the time listen to you. When you leave their presence you are inspired to take action or are in a greater mood than before.

Can you think of someone in the office that you love to work with? Why is that do you think?

THE DRAINERS

These people chip away at your confidence and leave you feeling exhausted. Most of the time, these people have little or zero self awareness. They tend to talk about themselves and never take the time to ask you questions. Given their low emotional intelligence, these people might not be aware of the affect that they having on others.

Sometimes, energy drainers could be present in other ways other than negative talk. Watch out for people that may possess traits that go against your own personal values. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you are right and their are wrong. You both just have opposing views.

Can you think of a meeting where you completely zoned out? Who was speaking?

THE ROLE MODELS

These are the people you admire and have achieved what you want to achieve. We often think of role models as celebrities or people that are not within our community. But often, we have several role models in our lives depending on what it is that you want to achieve.

Your role models could consist of the CEO of your company because she has been able to balance career/personal success. Or, perhaps it could be your mother because of the way she makes people in her family feel. Or, maybe it could be your best friend because when she walks into a room she knows how to hold a conversation.

Can you think of someone that represents your vision of a future you? What qualities do they possess?

THE PEOPLE WHO CAN HELP YOU

These people are the ones who have the knowledge that might help you to achieve your goals. This could be your line manager, the head of another function, an ex manager who works at another organisation, or maybe a family member who has gone through a similar path and is 10 steps ahead of where you are right now.

Can you think of a time where you gained insightful knowledge outside of your line manager that helped succeed? Was that conversation intentional or by accident?

THE “NO BS” FRIENDS

They always keep it real and provide honest advice which can sometimes be hard to hear. Everyone needs these types of people in their lives, they give us constructive honest feedback that helps us grow.

Out of your colleagues at work, who would you reach out to for advice?

THE PEOPLE YOU HELP OR MENTOR

These people come to you for help, advice or comfort. These people can help you develop your management skills especially for aspiring leaders that don’t currently have any direct reports.

Have you considered signing up to your local university as a mentor?

THE BLOCKERS

These people stand in your way and don’t want you to succeed at all. These people are in a whole other pool than the drainers we mentioned earlier. The difference being the intention, these people go out of their way to make your life difficult. They can often be driven by jealousy, insecurity or fear and overcompensate by bringing those around them down to uplift themselves. Their behaviour speaks to more about them, than it does about you so keep your head held high.

How do you deal with these kind of people at work?

Audit your network

What if we only surrounded ourselves with radiators, role models and people who helped us? Would this be a good thing, would our lives feel complete?

When it comes to our careers, we often don’t have the luxury of deciding who we get to work with or who we don’t get to work with. The aim of this audit is not really to cut those negative people out but to be aware of the changes in our mood, identify the triggers and find ways to manage these.

Interacting with a wide range of people will challenge our ideas, create diversity and new ways of thinking and support our own development.

To bring more awareness to your energy levels, consider this simple exercise for the week ahead. Review our upcoming schedule and after each meeting, appointment or catch up take note of how you are feeling. Some useful questions to ask yourself:

• How am I feeling now?
• What is different now compared to before my interaction with her/him/them?
• If I am feeling a level of discomfort, why might that be?
• Is there something I can do to change that?

At the end of the week, take a moment to review your notes. Think about all the people you make the time and energy for in your network. What do you notice? Do they have something in common? Are they adding value, supporting your dreams, and encouraging your growth? Who is challenging you?

How to Manage Energy Takers

We’ve all been stuck in those conversations with someone who just can’t stop talking about themselves. You find yourself not really listening and spend the entire time trying to find the best way to interrupt them and make an excuse as to why you need to cut the chat short.

Lets look at some ways that might help manage energy takers:

• Now that you’ve reviewed your schedule. Start to understand the amount of time you are spending with these people and ask yourself if there is a purpose or goal you need to achieve. Can you look to reduce the amount of time spent?
• Consider the setting, can you look at introducing other people to those conversations or meetings so that it changes the dynamics? Maybe you could combine two 30 minute meetings with one combined 45 minute meeting.
• Give constructive feedback. Sometimes people don’t realise that they are being negative and you might need to pull them up on it

How do I know if I am giving or taking energy from others?

Often, we are so focused on how others make us feel that we forget to consider how we might make others feel.

Take a moment to observe and understand the dynamics of each of those interactions that you reflected on during the week.

When we are happily engaging with those radiators, role models or people that can help you, is the relationship mutually beneficial? Are you bouncing ideas off each other and generating a positive partnership? Or are you draining their energy completely for your own benefit?

The same could go for people you consider to be blockers, are they blocking you because they feel as though you are blocking them? Can you come to a mutual agreement?

Start by asking those around you for feedback, promote an open dialogue and start building some awareness in yourself.

And remember, positive energy brings positive energy.